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August 20

nine years ago.
E 'was a day "suspended", as if time and space were indeed stopped, as if I could not hear anything, as if my heart had stopped, just as it did yours.
E 'was a day "pending" where the pain has stopped for a moment there, the Perhaps your pain and my pain, our pain, that pain that had characterized the previous days to see you there, and stop sleeping in a bed, and days for your absence.
that day did you expect ... you're gone when we arrived at the hospital, the timetable in which we did get ... at that time there was a great time ... then when we checked out a bright sun ... How strange.
do not believe in "signs", but perhaps those were the real, as if you had wanted to reassure.
Nine years ... that day was the watershed ... between my youth and maturity ... the day when you realize that everything is uncertain, it is really that does not happen only to others ... that we are not eternal, that what matters is to live happy and enjoy life ... trying not to bring along regrets or remorse ...
Nine years ago ... Hello Dad.

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I do not understand what happens, I do not know whether my being touchy, or the insecurity that sometimes it takes me about my role as mother and wife.
a few months now I can not have a normal relationship with his family ...
I feel judged, I always feel under review, but I can not understand whether it is reality or whether it is now one of my paranoia.
Grandma C is clearly a woman with a strong and dominant, both for his extrovert nature and extremely talkative, and look for the general, who has probably always had, and that certainly had to exercise a great deal to hold off the two sons and her husband, holding a still life around the world. It 'also tremendously touchy (but I recognize this to be one too), and the latter in particular what I have always suggested not to go to strike, in the past ten years raiding his house, some of his beliefs and habits.
This was pretty easy until it came Potol 1.
when it exploded in my maternal instincts are no longer able to accept everything, I can not accept that torments my daughter because you eat at meal times (which becomes a great eats, eats to become strong, eats it becomes high), it irritates me when I suggest to my daughter to get the sweatshirt and she suffered "noooo, it's not so cold ...", irritates me is surprised when the progress of my daughter as if I did not notice me makes me insane when it comes to taking it without warning, it makes me furious when I decide to make a gift to my daughter (with the bike) and she starts to talk in front of the small, saying that she wants to buy it, who wants to go to choose her, when my intention was to surprise her and make her understand the value of the gift.
But those at the bottom, and I realize I, too, are really little things ...
I do not know, in his words is always trying to do comparisons between his two sons (who is better, people who have been helped more, some less, who did a better job), including his two daughters (who is better as a mom, who is better as a housewife, who is more with the girls) ...
For years we had with the son and daughter (not us) who lived at home with her, she maintained that deep, you feel in control in his house, which helped her while living with her ... and we all in all (we live on our own and we see 3 or 4 times a month) we were assured.
Now that our in-laws were happily removed from OO here is that they have become the saints and martyrs of the work, devoted to his daughter and the house and we have taken the rank of wretched and dissolute, ill-mannered and "comfortable" ... Write

what are the issues at stake would be useless ... what matters is that I always come home with his nose which certainly does not make me better advertising, does not make me nice, and it makes me look even a little pain in the ass ... so I end up plus food for his current beliefs.

Mah .. in all of this I have to say that Potol a living at this time to worship C grandmother, is looking for it to be around her more than willingly, it was even three days and two nights alone with her ...
How to explain? Mah .. You can be a bad mother-in-law but a great grandmother?
grandchildren the sentence ...

But

Dn898 508 Disability Compliant

Thoughts August

can be perpetually dissatisfied?

will rain, which will be closed from Sunday at home (excluding two pleasant walks in the pediatric clinic) because of an ear infection that has been annoying pecking Potol 2 ... will that my eldest daughter last night for the first time took the train with her grandmother and she'll be 2 days .... and I feel as if I was missing an arm ... that banks will make the difficult and this blessed mortgage do not know if the "grant" ... will be that now the holidays by the sea we have already made ... will be that September comes with a lot of news (return to work, early care, early maternal ...) but also a lot of unknowns ... I would like to have some certainty is that for once ...

So apart from my puppy (and you will say "oh well we not enough?") Are not satisfied with anything ... it's like being in limbo ...

And then on the other hand I know that when things finally go right, that security will come when some .... I'll start over and try some other excuse to be unhappy ...

... I'm afraid this is my nature ...

eh ... beautiful nature of m ****!